Hello, I’m Hideyuki Ikeuchi, a counselor.

This article is a translation of an article I originally wrote in Japanese, translated using ChatGPT.

Can personality really change?

I’ve often heard people say, “Personality doesn’t change.”

Before I became a counselor, I too used to think that the struggles and issues I faced were due to flaws in my own personality or in the personalities of others—and that these were things I simply had to live with for the rest of my life, because they couldn’t be changed.

However, through the process of becoming a counselor and actually working in the field, I’ve come to truly believe that personality and character—often said to be unchangeable—can, in fact, change.

When personality becomes a problem

Personality tends to become an issue in situations where people can’t get along, can’t understand each other, or can’t cooperate. It also arises when someone repeatedly refuses to stop certain behaviors, even after being asked many times, or when personality clashes lead to work-related problems.

Additionally, it becomes a concern when the individual themselves feels distress because of their own personality, or recognizes that it’s interfering with their daily life.

What is personality in psychology?

In psychology, the term “personality” can refer to both temperament and character, but in Japanese, the distinction between these terms often depends on the translator and lacks consistent usage.

Additionally, traits such as temperament and individuality are also frequently discussed under the umbrella of “personality” depending on the context.

Here are the meanings of each term as psychological concepts:

Character: An innate behavioral style

It is used to describe a behavioral style that is innate, persistent, and consistent throughout life.

Personality: A tendency shaped by social experiences

It refers not to innate traits, but to role-based tendencies that are formed after birth through socialization. The term is used to describe the foundation of one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in relation to interactions with physical and social environments.

Temperament: Characteristics of emotional reactivity, with a physiological basis

It is used to describe the characteristics of an individual’s emotional responses, particularly differences in sensitivity to external stimuli and the intensity of those responses.

Closely linked to the autonomic nervous system and the endocrine system, temperament is considered a foundational trait of personality.

For example, descriptions like “easygoing” or “quick-tempered” refer to aspects of temperament that are generally stable and not easily altered by changes in the environment.

Individuality: Emphasizing differences from others

Individuality is used to emphasize the differences between oneself and others.

“The meaning of the commonly used word ‘personality'”

Apart from technical terminology, words like “personality,” “character,” “temperament,” “individuality,” and “disposition” are often used in everyday life with different nuances depending on the person.

It is difficult to draw strict distinctions between these terms, and since many people use the word “personality” in a broad sense, it is important to understand the context and grasp what meaning is intended.

When listening to clients, they may say things like “personality doesn’t change” or “they have a bad personality.”

When we inquire further in such cases, it often becomes clear that they are referring to concepts such as personality traits, character, temperament, or individuality. This reinforces the impression that the word “personality” is being used in a broad and inclusive way.

Personality can be changed. It evolves over time.

When one’s personality, character, temperament, individuality, or other similar traits gradually begin to change, and those around them notice the shift continuing over time, it is often recognized with comments like, “You’ve changed lately,” or “Your personality seems different now.”

Change is a continuum that emerges through the accumulation of small steps.

Such change becomes truly noticeable to others only when the person’s new behaviors and attitudes are sustained in a natural and effortless way.

Even if someone feels internally that they have changed, during the process of effort and growth, it is more common for people around them to say, “You’re working hard,” rather than, “You’ve changed,” because that effort is still visible.

In human relationships, what truly matters is the intention to value the connection with the other person.

These efforts themselves are also a form of change, and it is the steady accumulation of such efforts that truly makes a difference.

Can personality change through one’s own efforts alone?

It is certainly possible to foster personal growth by making efforts to change one’s own mindset and behavior.

However, whether those efforts truly lead to a transformation of one’s personality—or core aspects of the self such as one’s overall character or disposition—is a difficult question to answer definitively.

Many people strive to change independently and make progress through self-directed effort. Yet, when it comes to recognizing and transforming patterns of emotional regulation or deeply rooted physiological defense mechanisms, it becomes extremely challenging to do so alone.

Even if someone learns to manage these patterns to some extent, there are aspects that cannot change without the support and cooperation of others. These often manifest as lingering feelings of “difficulty in living.”

In particular, powerful physiological defense mechanisms developed for survival tend to require interpersonal engagement for adjustment. Most people can relate to this from their own lived experience.

Therefore, it’s natural for some patterns to persist and remain unchanged when working alone—there are simply limits to what one can do in isolation.

On the other hand, there are people who say, “I changed my personality on my own and no longer feel that inner struggle.” But when we listen to their stories, we almost always find that they were supported by others—people who watched over them, helped them, and worked alongside them.

Sometimes, the individual may not even be aware of the value of this support or may take it for granted. Ironically, this lack of awareness can itself be seen as a trait or issue related to their personality.

The value of such interpersonal support is precisely what Carl Rogers described in his paper “The Necessary and Sufficient Conditions for Personality Change Through Therapy.” He outlined the conditions required for constructive personality change.

In my experience, aside from a counselor, there are always people who support the individual’s efforts—whether consciously or not—out of a sense of human compassion, regardless of any vested interest.

And often, these relationships fulfill all the conditions Rogers described as necessary for personality change. Even when no single person fulfills them all, the sum of multiple people’s involvement can.

Thus, even when it appears that change happened through “individual effort alone,” there is almost always a backdrop of healthy and sufficient interpersonal engagement.

Understanding personality change as a dual effort—like the two wheels of a cart, one internal and one external—is the most natural and realistic perspective.

“The six conditions presented in Rogers’ paper, ‘The Necessary and Sufficient Conditions of Therapeutic Personality Change'”

1. Psychological Contact**
   – A meaningful psychological relationship exists between the client and the therapist.
2. Client Incongruence**
   – The client is in a state of incongruence, experiencing vulnerability or anxiety as a result.
3. Therapist Congruence (Genuineness)**
   – The therapist is congruent or genuine in the relationship.
4. Unconditional Positive Regard**
   – The therapist experiences and expresses unconditional positive regard for the client.
5. Empathic Understanding**
   – The therapist experiences an empathic understanding of the client’s internal frame of reference and endeavors to communicate this understanding.
6. Client Perception of the Therapist’s Attitudes**
   – The client perceives, at least to some minimal degree, the therapist’s empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard.

“Important matters that were omitted and not covered by the six conditions.”
-This condition refers to a theory of personality change, not a treatment.

-This condition is unrelated to psychological, psychiatric, medical, or religious knowledge.

-It has no connection to qualifications such as counselor or therapist.

-It is not based on the theory of client-centered therapy.

-Psychotherapy (counseling) is not a special kind of human relationship that differs from all other relationships in everyday life.

-This is not a description of therapeutic techniques, but rather a discussion of personality change, and is therefore not related to specific methods or techniques.

Unable to acknowledge or accept a change in one’s personality.

There are people who, even when their personality has clearly changed to the point that others around them can recognize it, are unable to honestly acknowledge or accept that change.

In many cases, these individuals are those who were directly affected by the person’s previous personality—their words, behaviors, or attitudes—which may have caused unresolved issues, emotional distress, or harm that has not yet been properly addressed or compensated.

When real-life problems or emotional wounds remain unhealed, it is completely natural and understandable that one might not be able to accept or acknowledge the change, no matter how genuine it appears on the surface.

Those in this position are under no obligation to force themselves to acknowledge or forgive the change.

The priority should be to resolve the concrete issues at hand.

Only after one’s feelings have settled and there is a genuine readiness to accept or forgive should one consider doing so.

Even if others suggest that one “should forgive,” there is absolutely no need to push oneself to accept or forgive before one is emotionally ready. Above all, it is important to honor and prioritize one’s own emotional process.

Things that are not personality traits but are often misunderstood as such.

There are also things that are not related to personality but are often misunderstood as such.

Neurodevelopmental disorders

Neurodevelopmental disorders are not personality traits, but characteristics resulting from differences in brain function and development.

With the help of medication, understanding and support from others, and coping strategies tailored to the individual, it becomes possible to manage these traits more effectively.

As public awareness of neurodevelopmental disorders has grown, more people are now coming to counseling already believing, based on their own research, that they have a developmental disorder.

However, in many cases, what may appear to be a developmental disorder is actually a trauma response, a defensive stress reaction due to environmental factors, or another type of psychological response or symptom.

Trauma responses.

Sometimes what is perceived as a personality trait is actually a trauma response.

Trauma responses can include dissociation, flashbacks, and other intense or extremely muted reactions to specific situations or triggers. These responses can occur not only in the individuals who have experienced trauma but also in those closely connected to them, and they may react in ways that seem unpredictable or disproportionate.

Such reactions are often misunderstood as personality flaws or problems, rather than being recognized as effects of trauma.

As the trauma begins to heal, these responses tend to diminish over time.

Then, the people who once thought it was a “personality issue” start to say, “You’ve changed your personality.”

Defensive stress responses caused by environmental factors

In harsh environments where one cannot feel safe and secure—such as relationships lacking mutual respect, exploitative dynamics where rights are disregarded, or situations involving harassment or domestic violence, where power is used unhealthily and unilaterally—defensive stress responses like “fight,” “flight,” “freeze,” or “fawn” are likely to occur as mechanisms to protect one’s mind, body, and rights.

When someone in a position of power is unaware of, or underestimates, their own influence, they may misinterpret the other person’s defensive reactions as personality flaws, wrongly labeling them as “personality issues.”

However, such defensive stress responses often only appear within those unsafe or harmful environments and may not manifest in safe, trusting relationships or secure settings. Because of this, someone who is perceived as having a problematic personality in one context may appear completely different in another.

On the other hand, if a person remains in a harsh, exploitative, or abusive relationship for a long time, their defensive stress behaviors may become chronic. As a result, they may find it difficult to regulate emotions or manage interpersonal boundaries—either distancing themselves too much or becoming overly vulnerable. These behavioral patterns can then also be mistaken for personality traits.

In such cases, the first step is to distance oneself from the harmful environment and focus on healing. It is important to reflect on and work to change the behavioral patterns formed as a result of defensive stress responses.

Even if leaving the environment is difficult, it is still possible to change these patterns by finding safe spaces for healing and learning self-care skills. Ending exploitative, harassing, or abusive relationships and focusing on recovery can also lead to meaningful change.

If ending the relationship is not possible, continuing to prioritize self-healing and working toward changing the dynamics of the relationship can gradually shift those ingrained patterns.

About changing into a more negative personality:

In terms of personality changes, it is indeed possible for a previously positive person to develop a more negative personality.

Such negative personality changes, as opposed to constructive transformations, are often triggered by adverse influences in relationships or exposure to difficult environments.

Therefore, it is not uncommon for a person’s personality to shift in a negative direction due to various stressors, traumas, failures, betrayals, or interpersonal problems experienced throughout life.

These changes often manifest as “defense mechanisms” or “self-protection” from the individual’s perspective.

For instance, someone who has been hurt repeatedly in the past may become pessimistic or suspicious of others as a way to protect themselves.

However, these “defensive” or “self-protective” behaviors can easily affect relationships with others, potentially leading to deteriorated relationships or social isolation.

In such situations, others may start to perceive the individual as having developed a negative personality or comment that their personality has changed for the worse in their interactions.

If the individual then falls into a loop of self-denial and distrust, it can further worsen their relationships and deepen their sense of isolation.

For those who recognize these signs in themselves, rather than blaming themselves for becoming negative, it is crucial to reflect on why it happened and what background may have contributed to it—this is the first step toward recovery.

Additionally, when those around them make an effort to understand these changes, it can also support the healing process.

It is important to acknowledge that there is always a reason behind any change and to respond with empathy and dialogue rather than criticism.

The value of healthy and meaningful connections.

The quality of one’s environment and relationships greatly influences personality changes. While positive changes often take time, negative changes can happen in an instant.

Even if some people find it hard to envision positive change, the value of healthy and meaningful connections remains unchanged.

“Habitual patterns of thinking, behavior, and lifestyle”

The term “personality,” as used in everyday life, carries a variety of meanings, all of which are subject to change over time.

In addition, there are factors that fall outside the realm of “personality,” such as developmental disorders, trauma responses, and defensive stress reactions shaped by environmental influences.

Everyone is doing their best—striving daily to overcome their struggles and challenges—and many have indeed succeeded in doing so.

Even so, the cognitive and behavioral patterns we developed in order to survive—whether as biological stress responses or adaptive strategies for enduring harsh environments or difficult relationships—tend to remain stored within us as survival mechanisms, even if we no longer actively use them once we’ve learned more effective coping strategies.

As a result, these survival modes can unexpectedly resurface, even when they’re no longer needed, depending on one’s mental or emotional condition.

These remnants can be thought of as “habits of living.”

By recognizing them as our own tendencies, we can avoid unnecessary problems in our lives and navigate more consciously and effectively.

In the end

Personality can be changed.

However, the process differs for each individual, and the necessary efforts and time vary as well.

Through counseling, it becomes possible to consciously reframe “personality” as “habits of living,” and by facing these patterns directly, one can learn to use them as personal resources—ultimately enhancing their quality of life (QOL).

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